Click
to download a PDF Article: Infertility:
Balancing Science, Spirit and Infertility Concerns.
Click
to download a PDF from the
June 2004 issue of Vision Magazine.
Beyond Polarization
Unbiased post-abortion healing support
Terra Wise, midwife for the soul
'Compassion is not religious business; it is human
business; it is not luxury, it is essential for our own
peace and mental stability; it is essential for human
survival'. ~ The Dalai Lama
One of the most emotionally charged and difficult topics
to discuss, let alone experience is that of abortion.
By approaching this subject in an honest and frank way
a much needed voice is given to a topic that has been
cloaked in secrecy, stigma, and shame for far too long.
This is not an attempt to address the issue from a political,
religious, medical, or activist point of view, but rather
to convey a heartfelt awareness of the complexity and
tender aspect of an abortion experience. Women who choose
to terminate a pregnancy vary greatly in age, race, marital
status, religion, and socio-economic backgrounds, and
they have as many reasons for making their choice.
Throughout the last two decades of my work with women
I have rarely seen a client or student who has not had
an abortion. Even though my practice involves many forms
of expression, and women from all backgrounds and experiences,
it was impossible not to notice that only a very small
minority had never had an abortion. And of those who had,
most struggled with a complex set of feelings afterward.
At the same time these women also felt great relief in
knowing that they had the option to choose a medically
clean and safe procedure and the legal right to do so.
Their unique life stories did not fit any external rigid
structure or set of rules of how they ought to respond.
The culturally polarized camps of an either/or mindset
are simply too restrictive a framework and can not possibly
include all women and their many diverse life experiences.
The distress a woman may experience, centering on her
decision to terminate a pregnancy can begin to emerge
from the moment the test says positive, through the abortion
itself, and may continue to be a factor for some women
for quite a long time afterward, even years and decades
after. The feelings involved go so far beyond just the
black-and-white polarities. Abortion is a complex experience
and can not simply be rigidly forced into tight compartments
to fit only one or another belief system. Additionally
the circumstances surrounding an abortion play a significant
role in the nature of the stresses experienced. Many questions
come to mind and need to be considered uniquely for each
woman-and each abortion a woman may have. For example,
how the pregnancy came to be in the first place, was sex
was even consensual, her family situation, personal relationships,
state of health, these concerns and more all influence
an abortion experience, the recovery, and the concerns
connected to it.
In many cities today, community clinics and doctors provide
legal, safe, and accessible surgical and medical abortions.
They offer an important and much needed service, and they
do the best they can for the women who come through their
doors. But then some questions arise that are worthy of
consideration: What happens to a woman after she has had
her abortion and leaves the clinic? Where does she go
for comfort, counseling, and emotional sharing? What happens
in the days, months, years, and decades afterward? Who
helps her explore the overlapping emotional, spiritual,
physical, sexual, relational concerns? Who does she confide
in, cry with, create healing ritual with, tell her story
to? How does she honor and integrate such a powerful threshold,
a life transition?
As a result of this awareness an important development
in my work with individuals and groups has emerged. I
find myself illuminating what has been neglected and hidden
in the dark for far too long. I have been guiding the
repressed and disowned secret - the abortion secret -
up from the isolating underworld and out into the open
so that it may be afforded the same compassionate healing
integration as any other emotional difficulty in society.
By providing a safe and unbiased environment that supports
unconditionally, women can comfortably address their pre-
and post-abortion concerns without fear or hesitation.
Post-abortion concerns can be as different as each woman
is, and each abortion the woman has had will often be
described and experienced quite distinctly (and of course
those feelings can change too as time goes on). And yet
there are also similarities, some kind of collective shared
experience, emotional and lifestyle responses that many
women speak of equally. These common threads emerge no
matter the the apparent differences between the women.
Feelings of isolation, grief, anger, guilt, shame, self-esteem
issues, experiencing the ache of lamenting a loss, the
loss of a potential, all of these and more are possible.
Worries and fears that might be felt can include; the
fear of a punishing God, the fear of rejection by friends
and family, the fear of not being able to get pregnant
in the future when desired, fearing sex and getting pregnant
again, the fear of loosing life's direction and grounding--the
fear list goes on and on for some women.
I recognize from my experiences over the years with many
different women that an abortion is indeed a significant
part of the women's blood mysteries, although often overlooked
and even negated (perhaps due to societal pressures, cultural
stigma and discomfort). An abortion is clearly a profound
life-threshold, a powerful aspect of a woman's somatic
and psycho-spiritual experience. Life transitions and
women's mysteries are not only about puberty, sexual relating,
marriage, childbirth, hysterectomies, divorce, and menopause,
but also must include abortion(s) as well.
An abortion is an initiation of great magnitude, and every
woman deserves to have a respectful acknowledgment of
such an experience, and the opportunity to receive compassionate
healing integration if desired. My work is not about polarized
sides of a heated debate, not political or religious beliefs,
nor is it about judgment, guilt, or shame. This work is
about initiation, inner growth and transformation. It
is about crossing a threshold, moving from distress and
confusion into a state of inner peace, balance and self-trust.
This is true whether it has been days or decades since
an abortion experience. No matter the details of the choice
(the how, when, or why of it all) each woman is treated
with acceptance and respectful care.
"Your neighbor is your other self dwelling behind a wall.
In understanding all walls shall fall down." ~ Kahlil
Gibran
This work also speaks to the collective mind, to both
the personal and transpersonal need in society for such
a recognition. Men and women are responding with heartfelt
understanding, relief, and an acknowledgment of the importance
of candidly addressing this issue, and doing so with an
open mind and heart. The letters, comments, and calls
I've received confirm (for me) that this work has struck
a healing chord with many sensitive people, filling a
void in a difficult and overlooked area of personal crisis,
growth, and self-reflection.
It is interesting to note that Japanese Buddhist culture,
unlike our own, does allow for mothers and fathers to
openly grieve aborted fetuses. Rituals for grieving abortion
(and miscarriage too) are understood and culturally accepted
as a humane necessity, and are a powerful form of healing
support. At times an abortion is thought to be the right
choice for a couple, whatever their reasons, and yet is
still compassionately understood to be a difficult one.
Grieving is a part of life and loss, and the complex choices
that are sometimes deemed necessary.
Complicated and challenging feelings are a normal human
reaction to any loss, even when the loss came to be as
a result of a free-will decision. Grief, confusion and
the desire to talk and work through feelings connected
to loss and transition are a natural response to any distressing
experience (especially one as complex as abortion).
There is a Japanese saying, "Let the past drift away with
the water." The Japanese Buddhist water pouring ritual
facilitates the open expression and healing of grief.
The ritual is an act of kindness and protection for the
aborted ones, and also for the parents, to bring peace
of mind and heart, to ease their lamenting. There are
special temple grounds and prayers intended for this work.
Small statues representing the deceased babies, the Jizo,
or the Buddha are attended to with prayers, incense, bells,
and small articles of clothing, sometimes name plates
may dress the statues as well. Water is poured with intent
over the statues as a symbol of ritual cleansing, respect,
and protection for the unborn. The bodhisattva Mizuko
Jizo, the guardian of the unborn is invoked. In some Japanese
translations, Jizo is known as ‘Womb of the Earth’. This
ritual is a way to bring peace to both the parents and
the fetuses, lost either through abortion or miscarriage,
letting the past drift away with the water.
Another Buddhist perspective that may provide some spiritual/emotional
relief when reflecting on your life-path and choice, is
to hold this simple teaching gently in your heart; When
conditions are sufficient things manifest. When conditions
are no longer sufficient things withdraw. They wait until
the moment is right for them to manifest again. And so
perhaps this gentle perspective will be helpful for you.
You knew that the time was not right to continue your
pregnancy, for all the many reasons that you alone are
personally and fully aware of. You could not offer a loving
reception to an unwanted child, you could not guarantee
their safety, or health, or provide a nurturing life for
either of you. And it is in that spirit of loving, and
yes, even maternal compassion, that your difficult decision
was made. The contemplative thought and care you gave
is not a sign of a cruel person, your decision to abort
came from a well of kindness, and understanding about
what you were capable of giving (and not giving) to a
child. It may be helpful to consider this Buddhist philosophy,
that the timing and conditions were not favorable (for
either the fetus or the potential parent) and so manifestation
could not occur.
There are many unique personal and transpersonal reasons
as to why the hard decision to terminate a pregnancy is
decided upon (and really the same is true for all life
decisions). To reflect on these possible motives with
an expanded heart is an act of compassion that deepens
the inquiry of this heated and polarized topic. The antagonistic
tension of opposites has to crumble and give way to a
fuller spectrum of thought when exploring for a moment
the concept that each person must walk their own individual
and special soul path. Universal, personal, and energetic
factors will most naturally impact any pregnancy and abortion
situation with as many potentials as there are people.
To ignore the reality that each person has their own unique
and sacred connection to Source, their own journey to
live, would seem to be neglecting the obvious. Powerful
influences like those of soul contracts, karmic agreements,
ancestral thought forms, cross-cultural beliefs, reincarnation
cycles, and many other factors will naturally have some
influence on every decision to terminate a pregnancy,
even when below the conscious mind.
Along with the abortion concerns mentioned already, there
are of course other types of challenging life-thresholds.
Many of these are related to the womb, or the womb area
(including the second chakra, and interconnected energy
centers). The womb in certain ways is something like an
alchemical vessel containing the potential for physical
and spiritual suffering and joy. And the womb can act
as a key for personal transformation and depth insight.
Experiences of all kinds, including the painful losses
involved in miscarriage, stillbirth, and for some women
menopause too, seem to arouse and awaken the latent and
potent power of the womb (including the heart and soul
as well of course).
Shadow and light, and the death and rebirth teachings
can become activated through these powerful experiences
of distress and descent into darkness, resulting in an
initiatory experience of maturation through hardship.
In many ways the difficult experience of the ‘dark night’ of the soul is much like the terrain of a compost dump.
Over time, with patience and some gentle practices, something
stirs deep inside of oneself, becomes transformed and
develops into rich fertile land, ripe with the potential
for profound personal growth.
What follows next is a natural unfolding of passion, creativity,
and soul purpose, further cultivated with conscious awareness.
The internal seeds of healing potential, of self-fulfillment
manifest through these new and personally unique forms
of gestation and birthing process. And then the nourishing
soul medicine of being filled-up with the one’s own essential
nature becomes more fully and beautifully realized.
Terra Wise is a California State-certified sexual assault
crisis counselor, a certified clinical hypnotherapist,
certified instructor of yoga, qigong and women's self-defense,
a non- denominational, interfaith minister. Terra is the
creator of a set of unbiased audio healing CDs/book that
include dialogues and specific practices that provide
healing from post-abortion distress.
Terra ffers
workshops, introductory dialogues, and
private sessions women, couples and men. Clients are given the
opportunity to share their long held secrets within a
gentle and supportive atmosphere. Abortion related concerns
are acknowledged through a respectful meeting of the hearts.
Discussion and inquiry exploring the
ancestral, transpersonal, mythic, and archetypal aspect
of an abortion experience are considered as well.
Terra Wise, midwife for the soul
805.275.1803
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